Update.

Hey girlies..

As you know I was doing a 6 week challenge but unfortunately I had a bad spell in my mood the past 3 weeks of it..

When I get a bad week I feel like I just want to crawl into a ball and hide away.
I don't want to see anyone. I didn't even have any interest in netflix I just wanted to sleep all the time.

I think the main reason for my 3 week long bad spell was because I knew my aunt anniversary was coming up, not seeing my friends and being anxious over rugby starting up again soon..

I haven't put on any weight over the past three weeks.. In fact I have lost it from my upper legs but no change to my belly which I was most concerned about. But I have kept to eating better food throughout the week like salads in work and having smaller portions for dinner and drinking water.

But I just feel horrible in myself.. I feel very fat and unfit and lethargic. I feel like someone has taken over my body, im scrutinising every piece of myself and it's making me worse and no matter how much I tell myself to stop I can't.

So I'm restarting my 6 week challenge with the help of my best friend.

He is a personal trainer and is putting together a shopping list and diet plan and workout plan for me..

I will do my shop on Thursday and post what I buy, when ill eat what and instagram the shiz out of it like the hun I am 😗.

This time ill be doing a update every single week and im going to stick to it.

I have to for rugby's sake.. I need to be the player everyone says I can be and I know in myself i can be that player too..

It's tough going tho, especially when you don't believe in yourself, your strenght, your abilities and you feel as though your teammates or coaches don't believe in you.

But I need to change my mind set.. and it's going to be hard going.

I know I need to make these changes for myself too.. If I can't love myself then how would I ever expect someone else to?

I hope I do it.
I am going to do it.

Wish me luck gals..

I'm definitely gonna need it

Nikkie xo

Sarah Sunflower Lundberg

Sarah. 

A year on already. 

Where has the time gone? 

This time last year I didn't know that you had passed away. Noone told me till the very next day.. I remember getting home from work and seeing my dad so upset.. wondering what was going on.  When those words left his mouth and he told me you had passed time just stopped. 

I went into another zone.. I didn't believe him.. I just sat down, mouth wide open, wondering was this all a dream.. was he only messing? Then it kicked in that he was serious. I cried, and cried and cried So many many tears for you and our family. We lost a piece of our small puzzle.

I can't look at a sunflower without seeing your smiling face smiling back, every white feather is you just reminding me to stay strong, everytime im sad, angry or down I know you are on my shoulder saying it's gonna be okay.

Since you're gone you've stirred something in me, you made me realise that all those silly thoughts about things I wanted to see and do and my goals will happen if I believe in it and work for it.  You pushed so many people to achieve their dreams. You were a special light in a dark room guiding a way through it. 

You have made me want to open up about how I feel more and makes me realise that one good conversation with someone can change their day. 

I saw all those amazing lovely things your friends, colleagues, community and charities had to say about you. 

I got an amazing insight to the amazing person you were. 

We all miss you. 

Your time came way to early. 

I miss you every day sarah. I kick myself I didn't get to know my own aunt properly. I should have been there for you as you were with me so many times. 

I didn't know how you were feeling and I should have! I should have tried harder, but alas I cannot blame myself or you. It was just your time to go on to another place to instill some creativity into their world

I vow that I will never ever let someone go through what you did alone. 

Everyone needs go open up and start talking. 

It's too late for you my dear aunt but with your passing you made me realise how much one person means in a family. How much that if you are taken away so suddenly can affect people in a certain way no words can describe. 

I am staying strong for you. 

Depression will not win me over. 

Please stand by me as I work my way through this shakey path. Be my light through the dark times. Be the hand that guides me.

It was too soon Sarah 

And one day we will meet again 

Untill then.. watch over each and every one of us. 

Rest in peace

Much love xx