My Story

Hi guys!

So as some of you may know I suffer with depression and high levels of anxiety, yet I don't think suffer is the right word to use to describe what I'm dealing with..

Depression is something I'm always going to have to deal with, I'm going to manage living with it, I've lived with it since I was 12.  While everyone once in their lives goes through a state of feeling so low in themselves, this is one thing I'm just going to have to figure a way to manage it so I don't spiral out of control.

Depression is a huge deal at the moment and it seems as though at lot of people like to write blog posts or big statuses about the subject and share all these pictures but what I find baffling is that when you say you actually suffer with it people become distant or don't treat you the same. So in respect of that I want to take you through my life and how my depression and anxiety has effected me, how i coped then and how I'm coping now. 

Where it all began

For me my depression and anxiety stems from when I was a young teenager. Everyone knows the teenage years are vital growing years, growing not only physically but also mentally. The things that happen in your teenage years mold your brain for life. All those life experiences for me never really happened.. I had very few friends, no one I trusted, and I was very angry at my whole life.. In school, for the whole of first year I sat alone, spending lunch break also on my own just waiting for school to end so I could go home and comfort eat and play the sims. In a way I was always so angry that it was so easy for other people to click with each other in 1st year and they had huge groups of friends that would just laugh all the time. I always had this black dog on my shoulder making it impossible to talk to people, it used to whisper to me telling me if i did say anything people would laugh at me and hate me even more, That was the start of the anxiety monster taking its slot in my brain and making me think everyone doesn't like me, which has been with me through my life right till now.

Being the Fat Kid

I was always a big kid, even in primary i was always the tallest and widest, but as the years went on i i just got bigger and bigger, i used to go to the shop on the way home from school and buy loads of crisps and chocolate and hide them in my bag until i got home. I'd then run to my bedroom or somewhere quiet and stuff my face then hiding the wrappers and then going to the press for more food, while my Mam had the dinner cooking on the stove. After dinner I'd eat even more. I hated myself and felt as though  I didn't have control over anything in my life but the food. I gained so much weight and the more i gained the less people talked to me.. I'm was always tall so I never looked as big as the weighing scales said so I didn't believe it.

Finally some friends

I had found some friends in the school in second and third year, and stopped the comfort eating, it was just the girls and me and it felt fantastic.  but then boys began to come into the equation and low and behold i began eating again, I knew no guy would ever look at me the way I looked at food, so i went to the food, I eventually weighed 24stone, but being 5ft 10 at the time I didnt look that big.

And the boys...

One guy I really fancied had kissed all the girls i hung around with, leaving me the odd one out, I remember praying to god to get him to like me, but it never happened. I never wore make up and one day one of the girls put some on me and when a he told me i was ugly without make up i went home and cried and cried, I even wrapped a wire around my neck pulling it tight to stop me from breathing, and at the time I was texting a boy named Michael, and he happened to text me during this frenzy i was in and made me snap out of it.

At only 14/15 I didn't see any hope for myself, any dreams I ever had seemed like a light year away and they were never going to happen, sure i couldn't even get the boy i liked to kiss me. I then turned to alcohol, drinking all weekend and when I went to my friends house during the week, Alcohol made me feel like a different person, the more i drank the more I didn't feel the anxiety monster or the black dog on my shoulder. it was not the right way to cope but it helped, Id spend my nights in bed crying my eyes out thinking I should just end it all, writing various notes thinking that my family wouldn't even care if i was gone. wanting to just disappear.

then came Michael..

I eventually met up with Michael, it turned out he was interested in what I had to say and he laughed with me, not at me. I fell out with all my friends leaving only Michael and myself, We went out with each other for a while and I broke things off. I didn't understand why he was with me so i wanted things to end, anxiety monster yet again jumping into my head and whispering mean things to me.

We decided to be friends, to this day that guy is my best mate. Without him my life wouldn't have gone on for much longer, life got a bit better in the mean time but I always had the black dog niggling on my shoulder. School got worse, I was back to sitting by myself just wishing to get out of the school and be able to talk to Mick.

Where the school days ended and college life began..

 I was only 16 doing my Leaving Cert, I didn't know what i wanted from my life, I know I'd Love to be a make up artist but being me I didn't think my Dad would be proud of me if that's the career I went with.

So i decided to do a PLC course in Pre-Uni Science, i always wanted to be a teacher and thought because I was good at maths, thought it was a good decision. I made friends and things seemed to be looking up, everything was going well, but then things took a turn for the worst, one girl turned one or two against me, I was devastated i thought this girl was a friend and she was spreading rumours about me, I felt the whole world was judging me, then she went to Michael and decided to tell him the rumour, what made it worse was he trusted her more than me.

 I felt so alone, being subjected to countless hours of torment that noone believed me, i dropped out, i couldn't cope with life, i spent the rest of days in bed pretending to go to college hiding from my Mam. I tried to hurt myself seriously but Michael stopped me, he told me that I was better than that, told me that there was something at the end of this very dark tunnel just waiting for me to break down the door in the way.

that time i went to the gym..

After a year of being in bed and just eating, crying, hating myself, Michael dragged me to the gym, I hated it naturally, being now 6ft and 24stone, people just seemed to stare, like I shouldn't be there. after months of going just to do cardio for 10mins and die, i started weight lifting, never had I felt so good about myself. i felt if i could Deadlift 125kgs after only 6weeks training properly i could and would do anything. I needed to do something with my strength, it was a decision between basketball or rugby.

My Rugby

I then joined the wonderful Railway Union Rugby Football Club in Sandymount. That club is one of the best things to happen to me, I lost the urge to leave this earth, rugby gave me a sense of purpose.
i never missed a training session, every week i went to training, the girls were so welcoming, they made me feel like i had something to contribute to the world. i was still ever so self conscious at training, hated running because of my wobbly bits, so i sat out doing sit ups and squats, the only time i did any running was in a match, by the end of the year we had won our plate and i was over the moon, but yet that black dog was on my shoulder giving me guff saying i wasn't good enough, I shouldn't be there etc. I dreaded going back to rugby the next season, i knew I wasn't fit, felt i wasn't good enough to be on the team,  everything i thought i was good at i felt had just gone, couldn't catch a ball, too afraid to tackle, too afraid to get the ball and run into space if i saw it. A number of things contributed to this tho.

The girlfriend

Michael, my dear friend, got a girlfriend and i felt as though he had been stripped away from me because he wanted to spend all his time with her as he had previously spent all his time with me, i felt as though i had noone, even tho i had plenty of lovely people around me. i felt empty.

This is when I properly hit rock bottom.

I went from having a rock to cry on to having literally a pavement.. I'd go out and walk around aimlessly, crying, trying to make sense of my life, so many times tempting fate by going dangerous places or getting into dangerous situations just so i could feel something else bar emptiness.

I'd attack Michael verbally, he had no idea how bad things were in my head, he thought I was just being jealous. I was jealous, but not at the him or her, at the fact that I wanted him to be happy in a relationship with someone because it wasn't fair on him for me to be dragging him down with me. i could see that he was unhappy, and i wanted to see the guy smile, I was jealous that he found happiness where I could not. I had ruined every day we hung out or made plans together, cause I would find some reason to make a fuss where there need not be one, making his girlfriend so uncomfortable around me. Its at the point now where I had burned all bridges and there is no hope of them ever mending.

I was in a sea of darkness, 

filled with regrets of the past constantly niggling at me, doubt if I'd even have a future, the not knowing was what was making it worse.  I was constantly stressing over what I had said one time, that was probably what made people dislike me, why was it so hard to find someone who liked me.

I let these feelings eat me up, the ugly i was feeling in my head was starting to show on my physical self. My hair started falling out in clumps and patches were bald, my skin was grey, haggard and the bags under my eyes growing darker every day, that black dog and the angry anxiety monster quickly eating away at.

what didn't help was I had been unemployed all this time too.

My lowest point.

I had gotten some Anti-Depressants prescribed by the doctor, and I didn't just take one I took 5, I just wanted to be happy and thought the more I took the happier I'd be. I then had a thought, that if i just ended it all now life would be so much better for every person involved in my life. I just wanted to get out of all the pain and suffering. I had taken a few more various kinds of tablets just hoping that it would be over soon. Michael was out with his girlfriend, i was in his, he found me passed out in the bed when he came home, he woke me up asking me what I took and how many, obviously i hadn't a clue what I was doing because I didn't take enough or the right concoction to end it all.

The Upset

I didn't want anyone to know what had happened and Mick said that he was going to ring my Mam and tell her to get me help, I refused to let him have his phone or mine to ring her, Ashamed of my failed attempt I went wandering the streets, hoping that the gods had something planned to take me away, but they had a totally different plan in mind for me. 

 Michael came out to me, I saw how upset he was, I had destroyed the one person who had always been there for me, I had cracked this man. we sat on the side of the road and just talked. he made me realise that this earth wasn't made for me, but i was made for it. I needed to fight this. i need to stick it to the black dog and the anxiety monster, for myself, my family, my friends and my team. I went to the doctor again and she referred me to counselling. 

counselling 

My first counselling session was a quiet one, I didn't talk that much just answered a few questions.

I didn't trust this person, and i didn't understand that she was there to help me. she was my back up in the fight. I just didn't know it yet. 

By the 3rd session we had talked about everything that I felt was the matter, Isabel made me realize that it wasn't as bad as my brain had made it out to be. 

By the last session with her, I could start seeing the light, it was dim, but there was finally that light. 

Isabel gave me coping techniques, which vary from person to person and how they deal with things

for me it was keeping a 'Mood Diary' along with a normal diary, she told me to focus on the good that has happened that day, at the top of the page write one good thing about yourself then write the days events, always remembering that one thing i wrote on the top of the page.

That was the beginning of my recovery. 

I got a new job with wonderful people in the June 2014, only 2 months after our last session. I finally felt like i was apart of something, rugby was getting so much better, my life was just improving slightly. 

In July 2014, my aunt Sarah Sunflower Lundberg tragically passed away, she had taken her own life. 

I was at work that day and wasn't informed untill i had gotten home, the news took lumps out of me, only months previous i wanted to leave, seeing how devastated my family were I knew that i could never fully go through with it. Seeing my nanny and granddad torn apart by the pain, my uncles, my dad, brothers and sisters.. I knew from then that if I had that urge again to seek immediate help. I had blamed myself for not asking her if she was okay, she was going through a tough time. but being in my own bubble it never sprang to my mind. I miss Sarah every day, i cant look at a sunflower, chapters book store, certain books, necklaces or earrings without having a lump in my throat. i wish i could have told her how much she meant to me. She was and is my family. 

Since her passing i feel her presence around me, especially when I've a bad day. I pray to her every night to ask her for help to get me through this. 

Her passing has woken me up, it has made me realised how important you are to people around you, even if you don't know you or feel you are important you definitely are. there is always one person there for you. when you feel smothered by the dark look for the light in someone else they will bring you towards yours. 

You will never fully understand what I or someone like me goes through on a day to day basis..
you need to be patient, willing to listen to what you may think is nonsense that comes out of our gobs, you also need to be stern and tell us whats really going on, tell us how you see the situation. 

Personally for me to get over a bad patch I need someone to talk to me, I need someone to comfort me, need someone to talk through what's going on, give me an outlook on how they would deal with it of it were them.


I didn't have any girl friends and its what i craved the most. I met a girl online, on a place called Tagged, it was the only place i was accepted for me, That girl is now corner stone in my life,  I would be lost without my Emzie! I also met another girl online named Ali, shes just such a sweetheart and would do anything for you.
i now have so many amazing friends and family that are always behind me. I've people in my life that actually want to listen to what i have to say.

I am and will forever be grateful to all those that have stood by me through my darkest of times.
to those girls and other people who gave me a chance when it was my last one. to those to take the time of day to spend some time with me.

This is one of the hardest things a person goes through and i was so alone for most of it.
if you get anything from this please if you see someone down make it your goal to cheer them up.

what gets me through my day? 

i set little goals for myself every day so I don't have time to think of various other thoughts or let the monsters creep on in.

my main goals for a day would be- make at least one person smile, compliment another, and have a conversation with an elderly or someone who just looks upset. I treat everyone the way i would like my family or myself to be treated.

this has been very hard for me to write so it has taken some time. don't get me wrong i still get bad weeks, my hair is still falling out to stress and anxiety and it may be this way forever but I'm going to live in the present from now on. good things are going to happen if i work hard, treat people well, help others out, and be myself.

My antidepressants make me feel normal, they limit my anxiety and just make me feel like i can be myself without the black dog or someone whispering in my ear telling me I'm a loser, a good for nothing dosser that's not going anywhere.

I'm now a much healthier weight for my height and losing weight each week.

I'm seeing that light brighter and brighter each day that passes, I have goals and i know Sarah is watching my every move pushing me to the next day. I don't know what crazy stuff will happen tomorrow but i sure as hell know I'm going to be around to find out.

I hope when you see someone sad or lonely you will talk to them cause you understand it that little bit more, no one wants to be depressed, lonely or sad. one act of kindness from a stranger can go along way in helping someones recovery.

We are the ones who must put an end to suicide.

Keep going to that bright light.

one way or another you'll get there. :)

Love Nikkie xox 

Alopecia

Hey girlies :)

I'm a sufferer of alopecia. 

Alopecia is the loss of hair.

Alopecia can come about for a various amount of reasons like side affects of medication or stress.

The reason for my alopecia is a number of things.. stress, anxiety and my depression.

I started noticing my hair missing from the back of my neck around 2013, but I didn't actually acknowledged it untill my sister pointed it out. 

I got so paranoid about it after that. And started to become more depressed over it.

It's a very vicious cycle I was in.

The more I worried about what people thought of my hair the more I noticed the bald spots.. The ugly I felt on the inside was showing through 

I thankfully was graced with long thick hair that covered it when it was down. But when I was playing rugby I had it tied up and in my head I could feel people judging and laughing at me

The picture above 🔝 was when I first noticed my hair was going missing, in disbelief of what my sister has said about it being bald I had to take a picture to see for myself. 

It was in march 2013.

It spured me on to take some action. That horrible feeling of hating myself was starting to show, my hair and my skin were now being affected and it needed to stop.

The picture below it is in Aug 2014. It was a few months after councilling and taking the prescribed antidepressants. I was so happy that my hair was actually growing back.

The picture below is of now, taken on the 2nd of August 2015.my hair is really long where it was once bald, but it's still very sparse and fine. 

But I'm getting there.

I'm dealing with it.

If any of you ever feel the way I have please talk to someone.. keeping it to yourself is the worst thing you can do. Keeping it to myself made my hair fall out, made me look the ugly I was feeling. 

You are a unique and beautiful person, each and everyone of you. Don't let one person, especially yourself judge you or dull your sparkle. 

If you feel like you need to talk to someone then do. It's the first step. 

I'm always here for a chinwag..

Be safe and be well my huns 

Nikkie xo

Update.

Hey girlies..

As you know I was doing a 6 week challenge but unfortunately I had a bad spell in my mood the past 3 weeks of it..

When I get a bad week I feel like I just want to crawl into a ball and hide away.
I don't want to see anyone. I didn't even have any interest in netflix I just wanted to sleep all the time.

I think the main reason for my 3 week long bad spell was because I knew my aunt anniversary was coming up, not seeing my friends and being anxious over rugby starting up again soon..

I haven't put on any weight over the past three weeks.. In fact I have lost it from my upper legs but no change to my belly which I was most concerned about. But I have kept to eating better food throughout the week like salads in work and having smaller portions for dinner and drinking water.

But I just feel horrible in myself.. I feel very fat and unfit and lethargic. I feel like someone has taken over my body, im scrutinising every piece of myself and it's making me worse and no matter how much I tell myself to stop I can't.

So I'm restarting my 6 week challenge with the help of my best friend.

He is a personal trainer and is putting together a shopping list and diet plan and workout plan for me..

I will do my shop on Thursday and post what I buy, when ill eat what and instagram the shiz out of it like the hun I am 😗.

This time ill be doing a update every single week and im going to stick to it.

I have to for rugby's sake.. I need to be the player everyone says I can be and I know in myself i can be that player too..

It's tough going tho, especially when you don't believe in yourself, your strenght, your abilities and you feel as though your teammates or coaches don't believe in you.

But I need to change my mind set.. and it's going to be hard going.

I know I need to make these changes for myself too.. If I can't love myself then how would I ever expect someone else to?

I hope I do it.
I am going to do it.

Wish me luck gals..

I'm definitely gonna need it

Nikkie xo

Sarah Sunflower Lundberg

Sarah. 

A year on already. 

Where has the time gone? 

This time last year I didn't know that you had passed away. Noone told me till the very next day.. I remember getting home from work and seeing my dad so upset.. wondering what was going on.  When those words left his mouth and he told me you had passed time just stopped. 

I went into another zone.. I didn't believe him.. I just sat down, mouth wide open, wondering was this all a dream.. was he only messing? Then it kicked in that he was serious. I cried, and cried and cried So many many tears for you and our family. We lost a piece of our small puzzle.

I can't look at a sunflower without seeing your smiling face smiling back, every white feather is you just reminding me to stay strong, everytime im sad, angry or down I know you are on my shoulder saying it's gonna be okay.

Since you're gone you've stirred something in me, you made me realise that all those silly thoughts about things I wanted to see and do and my goals will happen if I believe in it and work for it.  You pushed so many people to achieve their dreams. You were a special light in a dark room guiding a way through it. 

You have made me want to open up about how I feel more and makes me realise that one good conversation with someone can change their day. 

I saw all those amazing lovely things your friends, colleagues, community and charities had to say about you. 

I got an amazing insight to the amazing person you were. 

We all miss you. 

Your time came way to early. 

I miss you every day sarah. I kick myself I didn't get to know my own aunt properly. I should have been there for you as you were with me so many times. 

I didn't know how you were feeling and I should have! I should have tried harder, but alas I cannot blame myself or you. It was just your time to go on to another place to instill some creativity into their world

I vow that I will never ever let someone go through what you did alone. 

Everyone needs go open up and start talking. 

It's too late for you my dear aunt but with your passing you made me realise how much one person means in a family. How much that if you are taken away so suddenly can affect people in a certain way no words can describe. 

I am staying strong for you. 

Depression will not win me over. 

Please stand by me as I work my way through this shakey path. Be my light through the dark times. Be the hand that guides me.

It was too soon Sarah 

And one day we will meet again 

Untill then.. watch over each and every one of us. 

Rest in peace

Much love xx

That D word noone likes to talk about.

So that big D word that so many of us shy away from, too ashamed to say we suffer with this epidemic of an illness.

There is always going to be a stigmatism around something that people don't understand or just do not want to understand.

Depression and other mental illnesses are most definitely among those things.

Depression by definition is feelings of severe despondency and dejection.

But that really doesn't explain what depression is or how it affects someone's day to day life or how to help someone that is suffering.

Many people see people with depression, diagnosed or not, as lazy people, people who just have no get up and go, no ambition, dying for someone's attention.

When you're depressed you physically can't get up, you're just drained from your brain constantly thinking of everything over and over again and things so stupid as your eyeliner was a bit smudged surely everyone is going to be taking the mick out of me forever because of that. You can't see how life can get better because all you see are the dark stormy clouds down the long bumpy road of life. You feel as though everyone would be so much happier if you just weren't on this planet anymore. If you were to disappear who would actually miss you.

For many years I didn't know what to call how I felt. I Didn't know that many other people feel as I do every day and go through what I do. I thought I was alone in how I felt, I just felt alone. and if I tried to explain it to someone I would be called an 'attention seeker', 'dope', 'loser', and untill recently I would have been called all those names.

I had a very happy childhood, I have a fantastic family who have always kept me grounded. But I always remember that unbearable feeling of anxiousness, overbearing embarrassment when put into new situations like everyone was going to be talking about me. I was never comfortable in my own skin.

It eventually got to the stage where I was comfort eating, crying myself to sleep, not going to college, staying in bed all day and pretending I went to college. While I was comfort eating, which started very very young around when I started 2nd class, I piled on the pounds.. at my heaviest I was 24 stone and size 24. Felt as though the whole world was laughing at me.

At my worst the ugly and disease started to take over. My skin,grey, haggard covered in pimples, my hair, started falling out in clumps, my body, I looked like jabba the hut.

I was made unemployed in June 2012, on the dole at 18, no friends, no life, I played video games and talked to strangers online because they were the only ones I could be myself with. But it wasn't enough.

In July 2013 after attempting to do something stupid, I went to see the doctor to talk to her. I cried through the whole appointment, she gave me a dose 50mg lustral. I told her I want to be happy but I don't want to take tablets to make me happy. She said to me that it's just to help me through that dark patch to find the light. She also sent me for counselling.

I took the tablets for 2 months and didn't feel any better. So I stopped them, without telling my doc. I felt worse in coming months.

The couselling helped a little more every time I went. My hair started to grow back slowly.. but then it just wasn't enough.. I just cried in one of our sessions and I didn't know why I was crying.

she advised the doc to put me on stronger meds and told me to.take them. So I did.. and I still am to this day. Every day is a struggle with my depression.. some days I can be fine and then the next day comes I feel like I'm back where I have started. It's a battle but im not letting this win.. im prepared for a war now and ive my war paint on..

Im basically writing this because I know how hard it is to talk to people about it. I know it's so difficult to get the ball rolling in getting better. But you are not alone.. depression and mental illness will not better you or me. We will win this fight.

I was alone, in the dark and now I'm seeing a light. I want to help others to get to that light with me. Noone is to be on that Dark road and especially not alone. I'm here. We will get through this together.

Nikkie xo
Peace ✌

Vhi Mini Marathon

The Vhi Women's Mini Marathon. 

On June the 1st, June bank holiday weekend, my Mam, Aunt, Sister and myself set out on a quest to walk 10km in aid of the Alzheimer's Society Of Ireland.  

My Nanny Betty was diagnosed with dementia in 2010 and it has been a long 5 year battle. It has progressed to the stage she doesn't know who we are anymore. She goes to a group on a Monday and Thursday and every second Saturday so we are donating the money we have raised them as they do such a good job with her and other people that suffer with dementia and alzheimers. 

The day started off with nerves and excitement with the streets being filled with 40,000 women and men dressed as women. 

It was such an amazing day with just everyone excited, pumped up and raring to go. 

So many people out in the lashing of rain doing it for a tonne of different charities, from pieta house, dspca, cancer, temple street to down syndrome ireland. 

By 2.17 we finally crossed the starting line. The first 5 miles were going great and we walked at a very steady fast pace, within an hour we were at the 5km mark. 

nearing the end of the race with only 2km to go.. 

with only 1km to go we thought the final km would be the longest by far, but we swiftly walked,our sore limbs getting heavier by the minute.

and then we saw the finish line and our pace quickened.. on the clock it was 2hrs 13 mins when we crossed.. never been so proud of us all in my life.. The 10km didn't seem so far when you're with good company. 

we got our medals and headed to the foggy dew for some food and a well deserved pint after being drowned all day long. 

Never been so proud in my life, I would have never thought that I would ever to a mini marathon. Ever. But I have. I'm delighted. All for an amazing cause and i hope the money we have raised goes towards finding a cure to help those im the early stages of dementia and alzheimers. 

Thanks to everyone who has supported us and donated money to our cause. 

Nikkie xox

My holidaysss

Hello my loveliess..

So I know this is a few weeks late but I swear I'm Getting better at time keeping..

Or at least I hope I will in the coming week 😜

So at the start of May I headed off on an adventure! I like bilbo bagging rarely leave the shire that is Dublin.. so I was super excited for my little adventure to a wonderful place called Kinsale in Co. Cork.

So on the First night, we wore our own attire and headed to Actons, were the rest of the girls and guys from the club were staying. Had a few drinks there and then headed to a nightclub called Baccas, the doorman of Actons told us that it was a top notch place to go. Was only a fiver in whereas the usually place to be The White Lady was €15..

That night I wore my 'Little Black Dress' dress, leggings, and my heeled boots that I got in the sales in New Look. I just had simple flicks and a touch of smokey eye for my make up. And hair the usually natural curls.

We had a ball of a night danced till the wee hours and headed back to Actons to the residents bar where I stayed and made new friends with the Henry Hoovers, great bunch of lads!!

I staggered into bed at 7.30 that morning to be woken up at half 9 to get ready for the day of rugby, dancing and more mischief!

We, the socials had our first match at 12.40, we played Old Belvo, and as we didn't take it very serious, we lost. We came back with a bang in our second match against a quite lovely English team, and won. I made a great tackle and sat in appreciation for a while after it 😜

Unfortunately the weather wasn't great as it was rain, rain and more thundery rain.. but as us ruggers do we got on with it and had the banter.

Throughout the day We supported our Elites team who did very well against all teams they came up against. And as a railway kinsale tradition we did our human pyramid.. We had some #structuralissues

That night we wore our specially made railway women's tshirts with our nickname wrote on the back. Mine was 'drop it' as I dropped the ball a few times during the year but told people it was because I 'drop it like it's hot'😂

I teamed it with my black high waisted skinnies I bought from penneys and my black New Look boots, along with simple smokey eye and curled hair as it was lashing and didn't see the point in doing anything else 😜 #afro

We stayed in Actons that night not venturing anywhere else.

The next day we had no matches but we went to support our elites.. I got up slightly later than everyone else and decided it would be a Fantastic idea if I put some face paint on. I did the railway colours on my cheeks and dots all around my eyebrows..

The weather was quite a lot nicer than it had been so wore my classy orange sunnies..

The banter was had that day! I stayed in the beer tent dancing the day away.. didn't realise the time going by!! By 7pm it was time to head off and start getting ready for our 80s workout disco theme night.. I was super excited for that... I couldn't wait to wear vibrant colours with crazy hair!

A picture will be provided soon of that look.. everything was bought in Claires accessories and penneys

That night taxis were very scarce so we decided to walk from our b&b to Actons which was a lovely moonlit walk.

The night was full of crazy from dancing, doing a 'call on me' video workout, human pyramid, cartwheels, handstands to playing hide and seek.. you name it it was probably done 😂

I stumbled home at 9am the next morning walking from the hotel to my b&b..

Having to get our stuff together and leave so early wasn't good but we got to chill in the hotel till our very lovely teammate collected us for the drive home..

Was a fantastic weekend.. Every weekend should be a kinsale weekend.. memories were made and to be never ever forgotten!!

Hope y'all enjoyed my little weekend away story.. If you enjoy rugby and drink and banter you should definitely make sure to head down!!

Ps. A few pictures of my lovely adventure are below 😄

Love nikkie xox

Railway Dinner Dance Outfit

So railways dinner dance was a huge success this year.. This was my second dinner dance with the club and my god did I make the most of getting to look fancy for a night!! Last year I was quite unprepared as i was unemployed so i couldn't really afford to spend money on a beautiful new dress so I just wore my debs dress which had still fit (unfortunately😜), so this year I began looking for a dress as early as I could. I began on all the main clothes websites like Littlewoods, New Look, Next, Evans.. but none had that chic but edgy look I wanted and nor had they a great selection for my size.. so last but not least I went onto Boohoo.com and my god.. I found the most perfect dress I could think of.. The dress was in a new collection designed and modelled by a gorgeous plus size model named Nadia Aboulhosn. The dress is asymmetrical ( long on one side short on the other) I thought it would be perfect with a pair of peep toe blue/white heels I had bought weeks previous for my sister's confirmation.. so I got it and couldn't have been more thrilled.. The dress is slightly see through so naturally I wore a slip underneath.. I got a beautiful pair of earring in a lovely little jewellery shop in Northside Shopping Center called Adorn! They have some stunning pieces of jewellery and at prices you couldn't say no to! The earrings I bought were €8! I fell in love instantly!! And my outfit was a huge hit! I felt like a queen strutting around.. The night was unforgettable! As are many of railways crazy nights out!! I'll post pictures of my outfit underneath and earrings and ill be doing a separate blog post for my make up.. hope you enjoyed my first proper blog post.. With many many more to come.. Xox nikkie